I'm still in Lusaka for now, but I've been cleared to go back and there is a PC vehicle going tomorrow that I was told I could get a ride with. I got approval from several people in PC, but I just talked to the driver and he says he doesn't think he will have room for me bc he already promised other volunteers that he would take them even though I was told last Friday that I could get a ride in this vehicle from his boss. I never talked to him personally bc I didn't have his number and I don't know him. He is the driver for a different province and he wants to take the volunteers from his province and told me to go with the driver from my own province, even though the driver from my province isn't going back until Monday and I am not allowed to stay that long. Sometimes I get overly frustrated dealing with PC staff. Not to mention m

Most of the people that I have been meeting with or talking with about the move and the issues at my site have been incredibly unsupportive and one person who is supposed to provide support to volunteers actually hasn't returned any of my phone calls or tried to talk to me in the past almost 2 weeks even though I told her I really needed help becuase everything was going so badly. It may sound horrible, but part of me thinks maybe they just want to leave me here in Lusaka or Serenje until I actually go stir crazy and decide to quit PC and just go home. Technically they shouldn't want volunteers to quit but in this case it would save them from having to move me and organize all of that. Which by the way they still don't have a date or a plan for my move. It kind-of would make sense not to bother planning anything if they are secretly hoping I will just go home so they don't have to deal with me. I don't really believe this yet, but it has crossed my mind, and it does potenitally explain the behaviour. When I met with another staff member to explain that I felt like they were just letting me fall through the cracks and not actually providing any support when I could really use some after dealing with really rough village issues for the past 2.5 months. Then at the end of the meeting with her she asked about my new site and then even implied that I wouldn't be as good of a volunteer as the person that I'm replaceing. I thought wow how is that for support when you need it. I'm getting really fed up with PC staff, but as of now I have no intention of quitting. I plan to stick it out and I really hope that if I ever do get to move to this new village, that things will get much better. I hope i will be able to work on projects and be in a village where at least someone actually wnats me there.

Aside from that craziness I have been trying to enjoy my time here. I've seen two movies: Valentine's Day and the Princess and the Frog. I went to a really nice Italian restaurant for dinner once. I've had chinese, ice cream, cheese, fresh fruit, yogurt and so many other goodies. Yesterday I bought a really nice big soft rug that will be wonderful in my new house if I ever get there. As frustrated and disappointed as I have been lately, I'm trying to be positive and optimistic my planning things for my new village and think of how I will decorate and arrange furniture now that my house will be twice as big. On a happy note, I just found out that my cat is still alive and my old house has not been broken into yet. Luckily my counterpart is taking care of things for me there. Hopefully I will pick up my stuff and my kitty before anything bad happens to them. I know for sure I won't be able to move until Tuesday at the absolute earlier, but who knows if that will even work out. I wish I could leave this on a more positive not, but trust me the ice cream was a super plus and really did help make up for a lot of the bad stuff.

On a funnier note: When we went to the Italian restaurant, it seemed pretty nice for Zambia so like a trypical sit down restaurant in America. I walked up to the hostess and asked for a table for the three of us. She asked if I had a reservation, when I said no she gave me a look of disgust so I quickly said we don't mind waiting. She asked if we wanted to sit inside or outside so I said whichever is available but she said both were available. It turned out there was hardly anyone else at the restaurant at the time. Before I could choose she looked all three of us up and down with a nasty face as if she couldn't believe that we had the audacity to enter her restaurant dressed as we were. Now even though I had showered that day, my clothes had been worn for 3 days straight but still it was jeans, a black tank top and flip flops. She seemed most offended by the flip flops. Aside form my clothes not being so clean the fashion would have been perfectly acceptable in America. At this point I quickly requested a table outside and we chose one off in the corner away from potential stares at us PCVs that were clearly not very welcome there. I was a little shocked to have a Zambian woman look at me with such disgust as if I weren't good enough to be there. It was kind-of funny. Needless to say the service wasn't too great, but the food was delicious so overall well worth it.

harrassment

Harrassment is a constant here in Zambia. As a white person here you are life a fish in a fishbowl, you're entire life is for others to watch and there is almost no privacy except if you hide in your rock castle or mud hut. I mean I got used to the stares pretty quickly. And I did realize that if I were just chilling on my front porch back home in the US and I saw an elephant walk by I would be intrigued, I would obviously stare and maybe even sneak outside to get a better view, possibly even follow it a bit. Elephants are not native to America and you don't see them very often, certainly not right outside your house! I mean maybe you've seen them before at a zoo or circus or even just on tv/in a magazine, but never outside roaming around in your area. This is partly how I justify the otherwise rude behaviour of other Zambians toward white people, especially out in the villages. Anyway, aside from the staring which comes from everyone, although most common in chidlren, there is the harrassment from Zambian men. They almost always want to marry you, and not only do they act that way, they most often walk up to you as a perfect stranger and flat out declare that they want to marry you. Sometimes they just say "i want to marry a white woman." There are many different ways to deal with this. If I'm slightly annoyed I will usually just ignore them and walk away. If I get angry or if they act really inappropriate, I will call them stupid, rude, etc. tell them to shut up and go away, al in Bemba of course. However, when I'm in a good mood and not busy I will just mess with them which can be highly entertaining for myself. Sometimes I tell them seriously that I will marry them if they send 200 head of cattle to my father in America. Sometimes I say I will marry them if they will cook nshima for me, wash my clothes, collect water etc. (all the womens job) this really shocks them because one of the main reasons for getting a wife while you're young is so you don't have to do any of this for yourself. Sometimes I tell them I'm married and my husband will be very angry if he ever sees another man talking to me then at some point I shout a greeting to my "husband" and watch the man run. It my sound lame, but I live in a rural village so sometiems I'm pretty esperate for whatever source of entertainment I can get. Also, it helps to turn it into something fun, like a game, because then I don't get so frustrated with it all. Still, even with my overall good attitude towards the excess attention from almost every Zambian man, sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Unfortunately, I discovered today that there is essentially no where you can go where you can avoid this unwanted attention. I'm currently in Lusaka, and actually there are a lot of white people around, especially in the neighborhood that I am staying in and around the shopping center where I spent most of the day. So with more options you think some of the attention might be diverted and in fact it probably is, but apparently there is still plenty to go around. The reason I bring this up is because I went to church today (It was actually I great church and I really enjoyed being able to fellowship with so many other christians, Zambians, Indians, Asians, and even other mzungus but I'll talk about that more some other time, if I remember.) This boy sat down next to me, like a high schooler-later he told me he was 16. And he started chatting about the church and I gave yes or no responses to his questions without ever looking away from the stage trying to give the signal that i didn't want to be rude, but i was trying to listen to the service. Then he when we were told to introduce ourselves to people around us he told me his name and asked for mine so I told him. After greeting a few other people we all sat down and a few minutes later this kid leans over and says "I thought your name would be summer" I said "no" and cringed a little because i do hate the Zambian tendency to say I thought that... and keep insisting that they thought whatever even though they've already been told that what they thought was wrong so they should just stop talking about it! (I beleive I've already discussed that in a previous blog.) Then I sat for a full minute wondering where the summer thing came from, then he leans over agian and says "because you're so hot." All I could say was wow, and not in an excited tone at all. Usually zambians are very direct in this matter and just flat out say the want to marry you, even if they don't know you at all. I've never heard any sort of pick up line, so I was pretty surprised here, even if it is Lusakaland. As much as I love cheasy pick up lines, and I've actually never heard that one before, I was very annoyed that he was being to chatty in church. I then had to tell him to please be quiet so i could listen to the service. That shut him up for the remainder of the service and as soon as he started chatting again on the way out I just said look kid you're like 15, thats far too young, go look for someone your own age. I don't think I full convinced him that I was actually in my 20s but o well, I walked fast fast and he got ost in the crowd. Really I just couldn't beleive that in church of all places I would be bothered like that. I mean maybe before or after the service, but during it...really?

OK to start with I have had some issues with my village. Some of them have been occurring off and on since I moved in, but some new ones have sprouted as well. My villagers don’t care about learning new things or working with me and rarely can I get anyone to show up to workshops, even when they are the ones that requested the workshop in the first place. Also, my family constantly begs for food and money, lately they have been starving again so the begging is worse than usual. They actually called Peace Corps and said that I am a bad volunteer and that they want a new one (they didn’t tell PC but they were really upset because I wasn’t there to beg food from when they really needed it.) It has been very difficult on me personally to know that my host family doesn’t want me there and that even the village as a whole doesn’t care whether they have a volunteer or not although they do like to brag that a mzungu lives in their village. In addition to all this I had an unfortunate incident occur on my compound that seriously threatened the safety of my counterpart. After that I have not felt safe staying on that compound and seeing as there is so little work opportunity in the area, PC staff and I have agreed that I should move to a different village. I will be moving about 100km south on the Great North RD so I will be the same distance from Mkushi, just the other direction, much closer to Lusaka, and farther from the PC house in Serenje. I am very excited about this village. I have heard great things about it and I was able to visit last week, I met the host father and two counterparts. Everyone is awesome and they seem excited about havi9ng me there, the house is nice and there are lots of cute little kitties around. I have already packed up al my belongings and left my village, almost for good. I will return to pick my things, and my cat before moving to my new site and at the same time, PC will tell my village that I am moving for good. So far they don’t know. I couldn’t tell them because it’s very likely that they would have stolen as much of my stuff as possible before I left. I am disappointed that I have to move, but the only two really good things about my previous village were the scenery and my counterpart. Overall, I am very excited about my new village and the opportunities for actually starting projects and working with the villagers.

Other news: I went to Lusaka last week to get a swine flu vaccination and I was able to stay with a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer from Eastern Province in Zambia, her husband and son so it was really awesome to visit with them and we had good conversations. Also, I saw Avatar, ate a giant fudge brownie ice cream sundae, pizza, delicious pasta, and so much more. It was a nice relaxing few days. Now I am back in Lusaka already for an appointment tomorrow and then I should be headed home Saturday morning. And by home I mean the house in Serenje because I’m currently semi-homeless. I think the current plan is to move into my new home on Monday or Tuesday of this week, which will be nice.

I can’t even remember the last time that I updated my blog, but that’s all I can think of for updates. The new volunteer intake just arrived this afternoon so they will be in training for the next few months and then sent to site the end of April. We are supposed to get a lot f new volunteers in Central Province so that is exciting and we are all looking forward to meeting them eventually.

Seeing as this has been a fairly serious update, I will leave you with a lighter anecdote of how I made 3 little girls, about 8 years old run away screaming and crying as if they had seen a ghost. I was biking back from Chalata and I saw three young girls walking towards me. As I got even with them, they stopped and began running alongside my bike, the opposite direction than they were actually traveling. I was going a bit slow because it was up a hill and I didn’t mind them “racing” me as children often like to do. Then two girls started reaching out to grab at my bag that was tied onto my bike carrier. At the same time the third girl reached out for the plastic bag of green peppers hanging on my handle bars (so they wouldn’t get smashed) and she hit my gear. I shouted “awe notukwikata” no don’t touch/grab. They giggled and started whispering about me speaking lala (the local dialect of bemba). As soon as they were over that they began grabbing again and this time at my shirt. I had had enough so I slammed on my brakes and they could barely move aside quick enough not to run into the bike. At the same time I shouted AWE!!!!! In a stern tone and after a split second of initial shock, as I was about to drop my bike and chase after them, they all turned and ran like mad in the opposite direction, screaming and crying like they had just seen a ghost. Looking back, it’s pretty pathetic that I made 3 little girls cry like that and the worst part of it is that I don’t feel guilty at all, in fact, I was actually a little impressed with myself. Sometimes I feel like I get a little to mean here and am more willing to yell at people and be harsh. I don’t really like that I seem to be becoming a meaner person, but you have to be harsh with people here or they will just take advantage of you because you are a white foreigner.

On a positive note: I taught my counterpart and another villager about HIV in an impromptu session. They asked me to teach them and I tried to set a date, but they said let’s do it now, and even though I wasn’t prepared, I decided to wing it as much as possible because I know they likelihood of them showing up at another time is very slim. I wasn’t sure where to start so I turned the tables and asked what they already knew about HIV/AIDS and I was able to clear up some misconceptions. Then I asked them what else they wanted to know and basically just answered questions. It was interactive and specific to what they wanted to know so I think it went well. I even taught them about proper condom use and how to demonstrate all these things so they could teach others as well. It was nice to actually teach something and it gave me a little hope because they both say they want to teach children in the school about HIV. They are planning a workshop and have gotten support from the Chalata clinic as well as condoms to distribute to the children. Although, condom use is the most commonly discussed aspect of HIV prevention, we generally encourage the ABC approach (Abstain, Be faithful, and Condomize) so we also had a lengthy discussion on the benefits of abstinence and monogamous relationships. Although these both have serious cultural barriers that make them nearly impossible here, I still encouraged the teachers to encourage students to at least consider them as options because they are more effective at preventing HIV than just relying on condoms while being very promiscuous. Even though I only taught two people, it was very encouraging to me and I do hope those people can pass on the correct information to other people. As small as it may seem, its nice to feel like I am potentially making a difference here.

Finally, I ate a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese for the first time in about one year and it was magical. Special shout out to Sherry and Vince for that!